Mashonda, the ex wife of Swizz Beatz whom Alicia Keys was seeing while they were still legally married, has decided to finally share her feelings.In a recent interview with VIBE Magazine, Mashonda did not hold back, in this lengthy and detailed sit down. Here is part one of a two part interview….

Quote:

Have you received an apology from either one of them yet?

Nope.

Surprising?

No, because I honestly feel like they think they didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t care about their apology. As long as he’s a great dad to my son and she’s a good step-mom, they don’t have to worry about apologizing because they will never understand or care about the pain I went through. That was a big thing at first, I felt like nobody was respecting me. He’s not respecting me, she’s not respecting me. But then I had to say, ‘F*ck my ego, because this can’t be an ego thing. If it is I’m going to fall down and die.’ People feel that they are so happy and they are so in love, but what really happens is that real love does not come from a foundation when you hurt somebody else. Love does not happen like this. Love doesn’t involve hurt, lies, or destructing anybody else’s soul.

If you were generously invited, would you attend their wedding?

No. Not out of malice, but because weddings are sacred. It’s just not my place. The only reason I went to his birthday party was because he invited me and I did that for myself. I needed to see them together for it to transfer. And I was like ‘Wow, this is real.’ We were still totally married…We had a divorce that was nowhere near final, but I just needed to see them in action for it to be real to me, and it was definitely real. You have all these different types of steps that you have to set up for yourself until you get to that place where you are free. And I will tell you, after I got divorced maybe three weeks later I woke up and felt a weight removed. It was the first time I’d ever felt mentally free. And I sent him an email wishing him all the best in the world.

Did he reply back?

He did. He said, “Wow, thanks. Thank you.”

I know it was very important for you to sit down with Alicia if she was going to be around your son. Safe to assume that happened?

When I wrote her that Twitter letter everybody wanted to say things like ‘Oh, what do you need to meet her for? It’s not her problem, it’s Swizz’s.” I’m like, ‘You have a kid, go through what I went through and then talk to me.’ I’m not having my son around anybody I don’t know. I don’t give a sh*t who you are and how much money you have and what management he’s going to be under when he visits you. I need to see you and I need you to see how serious I am about him. And that’s what happened. We had to sit down, and I told her how I felt. I didn’t mention anything else, it was all about my son and it was fine after that. I’m not going sit and talk to them about what happened between the three of us. This is about my son.

How did you introduce Kaseem to Alicia?

‘This is daddy’s friend Alicia… Daddy’s girlfriend.’ I don’t want him to ever go over there feeling uncomfortable.

When did this meeting finally take place?

It took a good year and a half. I think that only happened in March.

How was Alicia’s demeanor?

She just listened.

This all sounds like a really awkward gathering…

It wasn’t awkward; I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t ready. I said what I had to say as a mom. It was a whole sit down dinner. So you know how intimate that is. There are certain things we have to do as women in order to move forward.

Does it hurt listening to her now? Were you an Alicia Keys fan?

I believed her before.

And now?

I don’t make it an effort to listen. I don’t make it an effort not to listen. I still like her songs. She’s head over heels in love and I get it. Every woman deserves to feel that, not at the expense of another woman though. But I understand why some of the decisions were made on her part, because her heart was so in it. I can’t fight that and I can’t fight her because she’s a household name. People are always going to love her for her music, as they should. She makes great music, but no one is really ever going to understand what happened in this house. Bottom line, the rule is, if you’re messing with somebody, you don’t know they’re married, and you found out they’re married if you come into any contact with that wife, leave it alone… respect the woman, respect the wife. Like I said before, it was an ego thing for me. I’m being f*cking disrespected, nobody respects me, this is my husband, this is my family, this girl thinks she can just do anything she thinks she wants to. And that’s what I dealt with for a while, until I gave up.

You mentioned there being infidelity prior to Alicia. What happened?

His older son Nasir was born while we were together. We were living together and I was pregnant at the time. I stressed so much because I found out the other woman was pregnant… it put me into pre-labor. I lost my baby in 2000 when I was five-and-a-half months. It was tragedy. Nothing compares to losing a child. That sh*t put me into a two-year depression, it took me six years to even try having a baby again. I was afraid. So not only did I lose my baby, but now I was waiting for this other woman to have hers. Because of what happened to me, he wanted me to name the baby. He wanted a Muslim name and I loved the name Nasir. The first time I met Nasir we fell in love and whenever we had visitation he was my baby. I took care of him. We did everything that I would do with Kaseem. And when Swizz did that interview with DJ Enuff, he mentioned that I made him choose between his marriage and his son, and I was like ‘What?!’

Wow.

That kills me the most. He was saying these things because these are probably the things he told her. Obviously something is wrong with his morals, but I don’t play with kids. Even now with Alicia’s pregnancy, I believe she deserves privacy. I hate hearing people wish bad stuff on her and the baby. I’m like ‘People shut up!’ This is a child, an actual life… someone who has nothing to do with what’s going on right now. I wish her the most successful, healthy pregnancy in the world, that child is going to be my son’s brother or sister and that’s the only way to look at it.

How far have you gone to regain your own identity? Have you still kept his last name, Dean?

I do. I kept my last name for my son’s sake, until I remarry. There’s no need to rush to change it… that just complicates things for my son. That would be so petty of me. The only thing that could change [my last name:fa8fd79080] is a really good man.

Speaking of which. You’ve been spotted with producer, Michael Honablue. Going well?

Yeah. It’s only been two months, but Michael and I have a really good thing. I’ve been really private with my personal life, but I will say that Michael and myself share a lot of characteristics. He’s just a good guy.

Interesting…